“Every alienator should be named in public with facts of the alienation so people know the truth. In my experience the alienator plays the victim but is just vindictive and nothing but a narcissist. This is a very real problem not only in the United States, but the world. It needs to be a punishable offense since it truly is a form of child abuse”.
I feel because I’m a prime example of the system working against my son and me, I need to speak up and spread the awareness. I used to think this can’t happen. A child cannot be taken by his mother. Unfortunately, this is not the truth. Money can play a big role in the justice system, something my husband was fortunate enough to have.
When I had revealed I was pregnant to my son’s father, he begged me to abort him. He didn’t want a child before we were married, even though we were already engaged. His mother called me to beg me to abort and when I said “no” she proceeded to call my mother trying to convince her to convince me to abort. After telling them I was not going to do so, my son’s father said he would fight me with all his money (which is in a Trump category) and his mother’s money (which is even more) to make sure I don’t have custody of my son. I was terrified that this could happen, however, I managed to maintain my composure and exercise my right to keep my child.
Because of this decision he was not there during the pregnancy nor was he there for my son’s birth, nor did he sign the birth certificate. To add insult to injury, when I was 5 months pregnant I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury and was in a coma. I had surgeries to repair the rupture of the aneurysm, but the healing process was very difficult. My husband was not there for the hemorrhage, nor was he there for his son’s birth and was seldom there for any other milestones in his life for the first seven years. The few times he did visit, he told me that he did not tell his mother he was visiting his son. He would visit while he was in a business suit and tell his mother he was at a meeting.
Although, we did get married when my son was two and a half years old, it was with him promising to be a family or else he’ll have to take custody. I agreed. Not many people knew about our son and therefore we lived separately. Strangely enough, we were married yet lived apart for years. When our son was seven years old and knew this was odd, he begged his father to let us move in with his father and two half-brothers in their 10,000 square-foot home. His father told him it was my fault we could not live together because I was mentally unstable, but offered no reason as to why our son could continue to live with me if I was “mentally unstable.” My son continuously cried and begged him for years, my husband finally agreed to have us move into his home.
During the 13 months we lived there, I was mistreated and abused. Out of fear, I stayed with him because he always reminded me that he could take my son from me (as he served me 3X before for custody). Knowing this, he had the upper hand and could do whatever he needed to do in order to appease his narcissistic ways. After my family intervened and begged me to leave him, to spare myself and my son from his mistreatments and emotional abuse, I took my son and left him. I was terrified, but they all assured me that I was protecting my son and that no one would take a son from his mother, especially when I had him exclusively for 7 years.
Unfortunately, this was far from the truth—I only had my son for six days before I was served, stating that I have merely three hours to give my son to his father because CPS had “indicated” me as a child abuser. I was beyond shocked. How can this happen? What were the allegations? Where was the proof?
I realize now it can very well happen when you deal with a wealthy narcissist who can use wealth to his advantage. I’ve learned that in dealing with a narcissist you must be very careful because they will always try to win – even if they don’t want to “win,” but want you to “lose.”
While denying to me that he reported me to CPS, he had a child psychologist, who barely knew me or my son, report that my son told him his hair was pulled out by me and that I use corporal punishment as a means of discipline. The “proof”? My son now has a bald spot on his head. The fact that my son suffers from eczema and the medical records documenting that when he was 2 1/2 years old he was treated by dermatologist because he was losing his hair were not in evidence. Had CPS done their homework properly and investigated correctly, they would have seen the doctors’ notes documenting that most of his hair grew back, however there was one small bald spot on the left side of his temple. It was in this exact spot that I was accused by CPS of pulling it to the point of creating the bald spot and resulting in my being “indicated.”
Beyond the personal outrage to me, my son and our relationship, I am deeply upset by the wastefulness of our tax dollars on a clearly fraudulent case. Not just the investigation, which wasn’t done professionally, but the expense of the appeal, the social workers, the supervisors, etc. that were necessary for the past 14 months. During this entire time, I can only see my son under supervision! This is an unnecessary taxpayer expense and detrimental to the mother-son bonding and relationship, which will take more taxpayer dollars to remedy.
Finally, after 14 months, and lots of money I don’t have, my appeal on the CPS case is over. Instead of being “innocent until proven guilty,” I had to show them all the proof against the allegations – something they actually had available but didn’t utilize. It is not easy to prove something DIDN’T happen, but I was fortunate to have medical records to support the truth. I finally was vindicated. No longer am I prevented from working with children and the elderly. I’m able to see my son unsupervised, I’m able go back to work.
However, it’s not over. It seems that my battle is just beginning and my nightmare is continuing. Since my son was in his father’s care for the last 14 months, it has been told to me that trying to regain the rights as a parent may be worthless because it is in his”best interest” to remain there – being brainwashed and fed negativity about me. My 9-year-old son doesn’t want to look at me, his father has told him horrible lies about me, and I am STILL without my son.
Why did all this happen? It happened because my husband cared more about himself – his wants, his desires, how he appears to others – than he did about his son. After not wanting this beautiful miracle to be born, so it wouldn’t tarnish his image, he hid our marriage, his son and anything else that he felt wasn’t “perfect” to others. He treated me, not as a wife, but as worse than a servant. He emotionally abused his son for his own narcissistic benefits. When I had the audacity to try for a better life for myself and my son, he sought to punish me in the worst way – by taking my son and, as he often said, to “squash like a bug,” to try to emotionally and financially bankrupt me to the point of having nothing. Regardless of what is best, he could not allow someone else to “win.”
The purpose of my writing you is so that we can bring narcissism to the surface. We need to make others aware of what can happen with the tragic combination of money, narcissism and people not doing their jobs correctly. I thought this doesn’t really happen, and it’s only my poor luck. However I realize that this is happening all over —and the kids are the ones being most affected! Perhaps with awareness of the possibility that this can happen, courts and such will pay closer attention before removing a child from the loving environment of his/her parental care. Thank you for listening. I hope this can help shed some light to a very dark situation.